« Previous Post | Index | Next Post »
The second part of the Symposium had dragged on longer than she had expected, and Elkins was getting tired. Fortunately, she only had one more theory to cover before the scheduled break: the Reverse Memory Charm Theory, M.A.T.C.HI.N.G.A.R.M.C.H.A.I.R. This would be a breeze. After all, Elkins had once (as she now recalled with some degree of embarrassment) ascribed to the Reverse Memory Charm theory herself.
But that had been a long time ago. Back in the halcyon days. Back before she and Cindy had been forced to sever their engagement. Back before Cindy had grown bitter and started carrying around that great big paddle.
Elkins scanned the audience thoughtfully, wondering if it contained anyone who might now remember that -- or worse yet, call her on it. Fortunately, she seemed to be safe. Eloise might have been a risk, but she had fallen asleep in the armchair and was now mumbling something about Sun Gods and hieroglyphs. Dogberry was far too busy rejecting the entire notion of Memory Charm'd Neville. And Naama was scribbling furiously in her notebook, her head bent far down over what appeared to be an anti-DEPRECIATION argument.
Yup. It looked as if Elkins just might get away with this after all.
"But speaking of those yellow flag violations..." she began, hoping that no one would notice how really very awkward the segue was, "we now come at last to..."
The door at the back of the room flew open. Elkins glanced up, and her voice died in her throat.
It was She. The Cinister one herself.
And she'd brought her Big Paddle with her.
There were shiftings and shufflings and murmerings of dismay as Cindy strode confidently across the room to pour herself a glass of unsweetened Kool-aid and load up her Big Paddle with snacks. The occupants of the front row gathered up their notepads and pencils with trembling hands, scrambling to their feet as Cindy approached to allow her her pick of the best seats. A few of them flashed quick ameliorating grins in her direction as they scurried out into the aisle to relocate to seats further back, but most tried not to meet her eyes. "You don't want to get involved in this," they were telling themselves. "Remember Cedric Diggory."
Only Eloise remained seated, snoozing away in her matching armchair. The crowd watched in tense silence as Cindy stared blankly down at the sleeping Eloise, then heaved a huge collective sigh of relief when she merely shrugged and slowly eased herself into the matching matching armchair right beside it.
George, grateful for this show of noblesse oblige, stepped forward to offer Cindy a GIANTCUSHION upon which to rest her feet. Cindy kicked it roughly in the direction of the podium and fixed Elkins with a withering stare.
Elkins swallowed hard. She looked down at her notes and started leafing through pages, glad of any excuse to avoid meeting Cindy's gaze.
Well, she thought. This will complicate things.
><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><((">
Elkins (citing her canonical objections to Reverse Memory Charm'd Neville):
There's his overall demeanor, and his reaction to the Second Task's mermaid song, and his reaction to the Dementor on the train...
Cindy:
Ah, but that is because you have apparently turned the Dolby sound up really high to the setting marked "Earsplitting Shrieks". You've also apparently selected the "Continuous Loop" setting in which Neville hears these magnified shrieks 24/7. That's very courageous of you, really it is.
<Elkins smiles tentatively at the notion that she might be described as "courageous," rather than merely as "Bent." It's really awfully generous of Cindy to have given her the benefit of the doubt that way. Really it is.>
Cindy:
But you can tone it down a bit if you like. . . . Personally, I'd recommend the intermittent Dolby screaming for you, Elkins. That way, Neville doesn't have to be a complete basket case. There's the extra added bonus that Neville never knows when he's going to get a huge blast of his mother's screams. I like the tension there. He can be brave and heroic at times, and he can be melting cauldrons at other times. Can you work with that?
Well...
Er, no, Cindy. See, I can't. Because even if you turn the volume knob all the way down to "intermittent cries of agony," and the frequency dial all the way to "only when Snape picks on Neville in Potions class," you're still left with the problem that Neville ought to
It also doesn't fix the Dementor problem. If Neville had a Reverse Memory Charm, then the Dementor on the train at the beginning of PoA really should have been able to dredge that memory up for him. He would have been reliving the experience of having witnessed his parents being tortured. And if he really had been reliving that experience, then I just can't imagine that he wouldn't have been in far worse shape than Ginny. Or Harry, for that matter. But he wasn't. He was doing better than either of them. Harry passes out. Ginny looks "as bad as Harry feels." But Neville's just pale and shaken. So that's a problem too.
Now, me? I can live with the 24/7 earsplitting shrieking because it is so Bang-worthy.
::soothingly::
Yes, yes. It is indeed most cruel and morbid. There's just no question about that. And you know how much I like that sort of thing.
But it's wobbly, Cindy. It really really is.
And about that yellow flag violation...
><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><((">
Things seemed to be have been going all right, really. So Elkins probably shouldn't have brought up the yellow flag again. But she just couldn't resist, somehow.
It must have been the podium. Most of her soft tissues were actually behind the podium. This made Elkins feel safe.
"I hate to hurl such monstrous accusations in a public forum," she said apologetically (if not altogether sincerely), "but there are times, terrible times, Long Dark Nights of my Soul, when I almost find myself suspecting that Cindy..."
Elkins winced, then lowered her voice.
"Well, that Cindy might have just made the Reverse Memory Charm up."
Cindy raised her eyes from her Symposium Notebook. Her brow furrowed, and her knuckles tightened on her Big Paddle.
Elkins froze in place. But it was all right. Cindy seemed to think better of it. Slowly, her grip on her paddle relaxed. From the expression on her face, Elkins imagined that perhaps she was thinking that coerced submission just wouldn't be very satisfying here. That it would be better to try for a genuine and sincere Full-Fledged Conversion.
Elkins only felt marginally reassured by this. Perhaps it was just all of this talk about torture and mental domination, but it occurred to her that Winston Smith's conversion at the end of _1984_ was really very sincere.
For now, though, Cindy seemed to be taking the gentle and easy approach.
><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><((">
Cindy:
In fact, I'm glad you mentioned it. Because you have led me toward a Huge Blockbuster New Canon for Reverse Memory Charm Neville. I can't believe I didn't catch on to this months ago. It's been right there under my nose the whole time.
OK. It's time for me to swing for the fence, so stand back --
[Dixie cup and refreshments fly into the crowd as Cindy hoists her Big Paddle to her shoulder]
<Elkins flinches in spite of herself. Yes, she knows that Cindy is only swinging for the fence. But since Elkins spends much of her time straddling the fence, this is hardly a reassuring concept.>
Cindy:
How about if I find something in canon related to memory that JKR has already established, something that is right there in black and white, but something that JKR seems to have intentionally left vague?
Then I will retract my yellow flag accusation.
How about if I can even link it to Truth Serum, which is similar to the Reverse Memory Charm?
Yeah, yeah, Cindy. Spit it out already.
OK, here goes . . .
Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them, p. 23. "Jobberknoll: The Jobberknoll (northern Europe and America) is a tiny blue, speckled bird which eats small insects. It makes no sound until the moment of its death, at which point it lets out a long scream made up of every sound it has ever heard, regurgitated backwards. Jobberknoll feathers are used in Truth Serums and Memory Potions."
<Elkins blinks. She blinks again. Then she drops her yellow flag with a sigh.>
Yeah. Yeah, okay. That's, uh...that's pretty good, actually. Yellow flag retracted.
But you've still got the Egg and the Dementor to deal with. The Jobberknoll doesn't fix those. If you really want to convert me to your Reverse Memory Charm cause, then you're going to have to find some way around the Egg and the Dementor. Otherwise, I just can't go for it.
And just calling Reverse Memory Bangy and FEATHERBOASish isn't going to convince me. It is indeed true that the Reverse Memory Charm is appealingly cruel and horrid. But it's hardly the only appealingly cruel and horrid Memory Charm theory floating around in the Bay, you know. Many far more stable Memory Charm theories give every bit as much Bang for the buck -- and a number of them are every last bit as ghastly as the MATCHING ARMCHAIR. Can't I interest you in a Ministry Cover-up instead? One with an option on Ever So Evil Moody, perhaps? That one's pretty Bangy. Or how about Debbie's Memory Charm Most Foul flavored DEPRECIATION variant? That one has Bang and cruelty! Won't you at least try it on for size?
Also, I would like to point out that when it comes to the Bang quotient...
Well, how to say this?
::deep breath::
The Reverse Memory Charm actually isn't even all that Bangy to begin with, now, is it? I mean, the idea that Neville might be hearing his parents screaming in torment all the time is indeed cruel, and it does indeed please my featherboas, but it isn't really in the slightest bit Bangy. It doesn't offer any opportunities for a Great Character-changing Catalyst, or for a Shocking Revelation, or for a Mind-Blowing Plot Twist, or for an Oscar-worthy Cinematic Moment, or any of that.
I mean, where's the Bang? What's the Bang supposed to be?
In fact...
<Elkins draws herself up to her greatest height—even standing on her very tippy-toes to do so—and offers a silent word of thanks for that nice thick wooden podium that is currently standing between Cindy's Big Paddle and all of her innards>
In fact, I don't think that Reverse Memory Charm belongs on the Big Bang Destroyer at all. I say that it's a Dud, and should be stowed away in the hold until it can prove its merit!
><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><(("> ><((">
There was a very long silence.
Uh-oh, thought Elkins. Now I've done it.
—Elkins
Posted to HPfGU by Elkins on May 19, 2002 1:53 PM
« Previous Post | Index | Next Post »